A few days ago I shared with you all about our 6th Annual Married Couples’ Bible Study Reunion with a promise that I would share what it was that helped forge the bonds of friendship we share. Before I get to what it was, let me tell you what it wasn’t. It was not a shared background—we had city folk and country folk. It was not a shared major—we had education, business, range management, music, health sciences, and no major at all. It wasn’t what we did with our spare time—we had track stars and loungers, readers and hunters, a small engine mechanic and a grain merchandizer. The only two things we all had in common were that we were married and that we loved Jesus.
So how did our six and a half couples (half because one husband lived out of town) forge the bonds that bind us to this day?
- Asking
When my husband and I along with one other couple first talked about starting a group, I knew we’d have to ask people to be a part. In fact, I knew of another wife I just happened to share a class with. The only problem was that I was intimidated by her “seems-to-have-it-togetherness.” It took me two weeks to get up the nerve to turn around and ask her. When I did, she was excited about it and is now one of my closest friends. The first step to forging a close bond was to get past my own insecurities and just ask to start a friendship.
- Eating
Each week when we gathered, we had snacks of some sort. Commonly snack consisted of cake mix cookies or corn and bean dip. Rarely was it fancy, but it was fellowship. There is just something about eating together that builds bonds.
- Reading
“All scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.”
What better way to learn and grow together than by reading the Word of God together? Each week read and discussed and debated all while growing in our faith, our marriages, and our relationships with each other. We also read other books specifically on marriage that helped us grow and fueled our discussions.
- Sharing
We shared the good and the bad. We didn’t pretend that everything was hunky-dory all the time, but, instead, we shared what was happening in our lives. When we had big tests coming up, we shared. When we had a spat with our spouse, we didn’t pretend everything was perfect, but laughed together about it. When some among us went through the pain of a miscarriages, we talked and cried and comforted each other.
“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.”
~Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
- Living
Our interaction wasn’t limited to just Sunday nights. Sure, there were weeks we didn’t do anything between Sundays, most weeks we did something else too. There were walks with one of the girls, an impromptu grill-out, a shared movie night, attending church together. We truly did life together.
These days, it is a lot harder to do life with others. We have children who need consistency and more hours of sleep that our college bodies did. We have full time jobs instead of classes here and there. If we are going to do life with others, we have to intentionally choose to make it a priority and follow through with it.
I fully realize that what our original group shares is something beautiful and unusual. We have moved around quite a bit, and even though we have been a part of some really great Bible studies and life groups, we have never forged as close of bonds as with our original group. I don’t believe there is a formula that will make you successful, but I do believe if you apply these five actions, you will be well on your way to forging meaningful relationships with others.
So what does that look like if you are wanting to forge relationships in a life group or on an individual level? First, pray and ask God to show you who to ask. Then do it even if it scares you. Invite that person or people over and share some food together. Read a short passage of scripture and share what it means to you. Be willing to share imperfections, praises, and prayer requests with them. Keep doing it. It is in the continued encounters that you will create a shared story that will cement the bonds you have forged.
